Getting back into the swing of things

If you haven't heard, I'm trying to work it out with her. Yes, my ex-fiance. It's been a year. A rather eventful year. So much has happened and it would be a damn lie to say that I've not grown in the time span. I look back and I realize I was truly confused and reaching. Reaching for a new me. Who wouldn't? In a time of despair, you're more open to drastic changes. I did that and now I'm a new... me?

Debatable. I've got the ability to be a new person if I want. Confidant, outgoing and unlike the unassuming person I am today. I'm cocky at times and upon a good hair day, I'll definitely be a happier version of me. The most comfortable version of me is one who just laughs and does something fun.

Since I've started to realize that I'm in love with my ex, I've completely changed myself back to what I was used to. I miss her dearly and would like to give myself a chance to repair what I tried to hard to convince myself I was done with... me and her. She hurt me extremely bad and broke me down to the core. I'm forever bitter about it. Will it actually work? Who knows? If I knew someone who did know, I'd certainly be the first person to grill them with an intense curiosity only rivaled by Zeus himself.

I could go out and get "girls", but I really don't want to. I want seclude myself until I give us a chance. Until next time...

Stone stepping

I see her tomorrow. She's coming for the weekend to get her stuff. Her mother is following a day after to help take her stuff to parents' house. Am I nervous? Slightly. I'm nervous because I've been able to shut her out. I'm also nervous because I'm getting over her, for now. Am I ready to move on? As time moves on without me thinking of her 1000 times a day, it certainly gets easier. Every day is a stepping stone to a more peaceful and more definitive me.

I went to Vegas. It was great. Though the guys I was with were all 38+ years old and married with kids and enjoy getting mindfully lost in gambling; I had fun. I don't gamble. However, when in Rome... you know the saying. If you don't, well, shit; go to school.

I've been trying to figure out my obtusicities. Is that a word? Nope, not in English anyway. I made it up. What that word means to me is the things about me that aren't quite right; otherwise known as weird. What am I referring to? I need to why I think a certain way.

Oddly enough, I came back to this blog post. It's been nearly a full year since I really dipped my toe into this blog and I've come back to this half-made blog entry. I'll end it here and add on it different entries.